I don’t want kids, and that’s okay.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and what it has in store for me. My mind wanders to six months from now, three years from now, ten years from now. I contemplate what my life in New York will be life, what my future career choice will be, whether or not I’ll ever go back to school and get a Masters Degree in… something. Then comes the time when my mind starts to wonder about a future family for myself; husband, kids, etc. I don’t know if i’ll ever get married, but I can honestly say that I would like to. I hope to find the right man that will love and cherish and make me happy for the rest of my life, and that I can do the same for him. This thought naturally leads to the idea of having children, and if I’m going to be perfectly honest about THAT, I don’t know if I want any. Actually, I’m pretty sure that I don’t. When I tell people this they look at me like I just grew a tail and horns. “Seriously?” they ask. “Yes, seriously.”
I understand the desire to have kids. I’ve always shared that desire, until recently. I also understand the genetic predisposition of the human species to feel the need to procreate and carry on mankind, blah blah blah. I get it.
There are so many things that I want to do before I die. So many places I want to visit and things that I want to experience and having children really doesn’t help my chances of doing those things.They’re expensive, time consuming and pretty much take over your life once they’re born. One of my biggest goals in life has always simply been “to be happy,” and studies show that having kids does not necessarily go hand in hand with that goal!
Now some people may think this is selfish, and maybe it is. But lets think about the reasons that people decide to have kids. “I want to carry on my last name.” “I want someone to take care of me when I’m older.” “I want to feel loved forever no matter what.” “Babies are so cute!”
How many of those reasons/other reasons people give for wanting to have children aren’t just as selfish as my own for not wanting them?
Here are some fun facts about having/not having children:
- Parental depression increases along with the number of children parents have. While to some, this may not seem to big a big deal until maybe you hit four or five kids, but even the fact that after even ONE child depression increases makes me slightly hesitant.
- About two-thirds of couples see the quality of their relationship drop within three years of the birth of a child. Keeping up a marriage is hard enough, let alone with this daunting statistic to worry about.
- Researchers have compared women’s marital happiness in their 40s, when many still had children at home; in their early 50s, when some had older children who had left home; and in their 60s, when virtually all had empty nests. At every point, the empty nesters scored higher on marital happiness than women with children still at home. So basically, the older your child and further away from living at home your child is, the happier your marriage is, and this is from the eyes of the MOTHER. Who knows how much happier the father is. (Well somebody probably knows but I haven’t looking up that study yet)
Now I am in no way trying to imply that everybody should stop having kids and let the human race die. That would be ridiculous. I am simply giving reasons as to why I personally do not see children in my future, and why others should not judge me or anybody else with the same mindset.
I don’t judge my friends whose only goal in life is to “be a stay at home mom.” So why should I get judged for wanting to be a “go wherever I want, whenever I want, childless adult.” If I ever feel the need to get some cute baby love i’ll just go visit my stay at home friends and leave when the baby starts to cry uncontrollably and poops everywhere.