Pain is Gain…right?

So after a three week hiatus I am returning to the gym today. I wish that I could say that I am so excited and can’t wait to start reaching my fitness goals and feel healthy and blah blah blah….I’m not excited. Working out has never been something that I enjoy doing. Hell, being physically active in any way was never really my thing. When I was kid you would find me reading a book in my room or trying to memorize the lyrics to Spice Girls songs not playing around outside. It’s not that I’m a lazy person by any means, I just don’t like being active, and yes there is a difference between the two.

Regardless of this aversion to athletics, I have been working out with a trainer since the beginning of January. Unfortunately for me, I just happen to be obsessed with how I want my body to look (want being the key word). I’ve never been overweight and people scoff at my inability to be happy with my body, but I have a strong case of “perfectionism” when it comes to vanity. It doesn’t matter how many boyfriend tell me that my body is perfect or how many friends tell me that I need to “calm down” because my body is “just fine.” Those boyfriend have to tell me that, and in regards to my friends comments, I don’t want “just fine.” The problem with all of this is that I don’t want to do the work to get to the level of physical prowess that I so desperately want to achieve.

Not only do I loathe the gym but I also LOVE food. Taco Bell, ice cream, cheese plates, steak and potatoes, macaroni and cheese, Girl Scout Cookies, Mexican food of ANY variety….I love it all. And because of this, I eat it! I used to be lucky in the sense that I could eat whatever I wanted and stay the same (again, not perfect, but not overweight). Add my ripe old age of 23 and my newfound love for cocktails and wine, and this is a recipe for disaster.

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So, I decided it was time to start adding a workout regime into my daily life and eat healthier. I am definitely better than I used to be but a long ways from where I hope to reach. It’s been a struggle back and fourth between motivation to work for my wanted results and giving up completely and eating my weight in food. I was hoping that it would just “click” one day, and maybe it still will. But that day has not yet come.

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